It’s been a while my friends. My excuses are lame and too many in number so I’ll spare you. The thing to note here is that we have hit the 10 day countdown to race day. 10 MORE DAYS.
I could describe the way I’m feeling in many words, the most popular choices being: excited, nervous, exhausted, stressed, anxious… Whoever chose to run a marathon the same week as they were moving (with a few days of nowhere to live included), starting a new class, and traveling out of state is a real winner. Oh wait, that was me.
At least once a day I am asked how I’m feeling about the race. Am I getting excited? Am I nervous? Am I ready? I know these people are looking for just as short of an answer as if they had asked “how’s it going?” but here’s what I really want to say:
To look back and know that I have dedicated the last four months entirely to one distant goal is astounding to me. The last time I committed to anything for more than a few weeks is probably when I was undergoing cancer treatment and that wasn’t exactly a choice, but a necessity. The best way I can describe what this feels like is a trust fall. A four month, exhausting trust fall.
I’ve have to spread my trust quite thin. I put my trust in myself to know that I had the willpower to get up at 5am or go outside in negative temperatures and run. I had to trust my body to heal the blisters and stay upright a few hours into a run and not allow my legs to give out when it felt like I couldn’t take another step. I put overwhelming trust in my support system to pick me up when I was down and push me to keep going and to tell me I could do it when I had already convinced myself that I couldn’t. And let me tell ya, they were there for me in spades and then some.
The overwhelming part of a trust fall is the anxiety, fear, and rush that comes from wondering if you will actually be caught at the end. The moment when you’ve past the point of catching yourself and there’s no turning back. That anxiety has caused me sleepless nights, emergency mid-run bathroom breaks, and many tears. Can I do this? Will the weather screw us over? Will I be ready???
Some days I feel ready and some days I don’t. I’ll have a terrible run and be sure I can’t do this but Coach Bob will tell me that it was great that I had a bad run today because today isn’t race day. No matter how ready I feel or don’t feel the end is near. I WILL be running a marathon. I have put hard work and heart into this. And I can’t wait to sleep in on the weekends again.